Welcome To The Black Parade..

Tasks completed today:

Letters posted
Hair dye boughts done a rather good job
Hair dyed.

I couldn't get the one I normally buy because apparently everyone in Brighton is going black. The one I did buy has done a rather good job though, no?


I look SO emo, I had to take some photos :P

Nothing to do with the fact that I spent the morning listening to My Chemical Romance of course.

Mid Week Ramblings

Here's another reason why The Daily Mail is a bunch of arse. Too old to be Head Girl at 23? Bollocks. I'm the Head Girl of Slytherin and I'm 29, damnit. And what about (I'm guessing) practically every TV show and teen movie where the actor is playing a character who is several years younger than their chronological age? I'm pretty excited about the St Trinians sequel if I'm honest, because I did rather enjoy the first one.

In other news, the lovely doctor I see at St Peters Medical Centre has signed me off again. 6 weeks this time. Oh yes, 6 whole weeks. Time to decide what I do and for whom, and enough time to hand in my notice and NOT GO BACK. Lovely Doc and I had a very long talk about everything that has been happening to me recently and she is of the opinion that I should not go back there. Obviously, she can't encourage me to leave my actual job, because that would be unprofessional (especially as it's going to be hard to find a new one...) but she does think that the job is contributing heavily towards my anxiety and general unwell state of mind. I agree with her. I still have to see Occupational Health - I was meant to go yesterday but this time they cancelled on me as their doctor was ill. Hopefully that will be soon because the waiting is unpleasant.

Besides all that stuff, there are some nice things going on too plus things to look forward to. We're off to visit some friends down in Fareham this weekend and the rumours are that this will involve a good old fashioned picnic, rock club in Southampton and a high-wire assault course. Shortly after that we have TG in Brighton again, my friend Lird's Hen Weekend in Norwich and Brighton Pride. All these good things are in fact what is keeping me going. Knowing that there are good things coming, combined with my lovely Dread Boy, my friends, my cats and my parents.

My Mum, coincidentally, is a source of minor irritation and majour amusement to me at the moment. She's on Facebook (I think I might have said this before) and has the internet at home now but she is struggling with certain bits of it - especially the photos. Hotmail too is a bit of a challenge ("Chloe, there's two emails in my junk box from [insert plausible sounding but fake names here], what shall I do? Shall I open them? Or would that be bad? Who are they from?") but it's the photos on Facebook which had her stumped up until today. I had to send her very clear Mum-proof instructions, which she still managed to write down in the wrong order, although why she copied them off the screen I don't know. She woke me up this morning by phoning to talk about the problems she was having with a photo album and then told me off because it was nearly 11am and I'd only just got out of bed - I'd been awake til 5am so hardly my fault I feel. The conversation went a little like this:

M - "Chloe, what do I put in the box where it asks for a photo album name?"
C - "Er, whatever you want to call it. You know, like, 'Paintings' or 'My friends' "
M- "Oh. Ok. What about the box which says 'Location'?"
C - "Well, that depends. Where were the photos taken Mum? Or you can leave it blank"
M - "Oh! I thought it meant the location where I wanted to send the photos!"
C - (sighs and laughs) "Oh Mum!!"
M- "Shh, don't laugh! Anyway, why are you still in bed? You were on your computer too late last night! It will keep you awake!"
C - (wearily) "Mum, I was on my computer because I couldn't sleep!"
M - "No, it will be keeping you awake! I'm 64! I know more about these things than you!"
C - "Yes well, I'm 29 and I know more about Facebook than you, so if you don't stop badgering me I will stop helping you!!"

Hah, that told her :P I wonder what tomorrow's query will be? I'll keep you posted.

On top of any IT-based assistance I might have to offer, tomorrow's tasks include getting a new phone sorted (I accidentally drowned my current one, apparently), buying hair dye (need to go back to black for a while) and posting letters. Exciting. eh?

Ghost Walks and Starlight Heart-to-Hearts

I currently have the CRAMPS of DOOM. DOOOOOOOM! Blah. It's too hot for this. I'm curled up in bed watching The Lion, The Witch and The Wardrobe while Fleepz prepares dinner in the kitchen - he is WIN. I love this movie, don't care what anyone else says. I'm feeling very child-like and needy today, and this films fits my mood perfectly.

So it's been a very up and down past couple of days and no mistake.

Good things followed by bad things in a very rapid cycle. Had a mini-breakdown on Weds night, which was timed beautifully with the epic thunderstorm we had down here. Hmmm. Good flashes of optimism and then very bad moments of total gloom. It's weird, and difficult to keep up. I'm going back to the docs on Tuesday morning and will be telling her all about it. I also have to go to the Occupation Therapist too at 4.30 - because, dear readers, I spectuarly failed at getting there last time through mis-timing how long I needed to allow for the journey and then having a panic attack at the train station. I had to call HR in floods of tears and they honestly didn't give a toss - that I was crying, that is. Ah well. Wankers. I've stopped being surprised now that they don't treat me like a human being. I'll go to the appointment on Tuesday and jump through their hoops and see where it gets me. I'll continue to apply for other jobs in the meantime.

On to more recent happenings: Fleepz and I went on a Ghost Walk in Brighton which was rather entertaining if completely un-scary due to it being broad daylight and there being many July 4th celebrations going on around town - for SOME reason. Why? We are not American! Silly!

After that, we ate at a veggie Indian where the staff were rude to us because we looked like freaks, so we got drunk and left a 5p tip. More red wine followed in the Pavilion Gardens and there was ninja weeing, free plastic cups from nice strangers, terrified seagulls and lots of cigarettes and good talks and jokes and all that good stuff. It rocked. It was well overdue and I'm glad we did it. Oh, and we also found an emo boy passed out under a swing on the Level and possibly saved his life. There was even an ambulance! That was cool.

It is still horribly baking hot in Brighton. But it's kinda nice.

One more thing! My dear friend James Newmalden married his Kentuckian lady yesterday! HURRAH! Many congrats to them both and wishes for a long and happy life together.

Insomnia...

I've been off work now since Monday.

I go through a few hours of calm, positive energy and then a few hours of absolute crippling fear and anxiety. Sleeping a lot seems to help, and playing with the cats. Going outside for a few hours is helping too.

I have to go and see the Occupational Therapist tomorrow, which should be massive joy. Ah well.

I did hear today that certain collegues of mine are pissed off that I'm off work and it's even been said that I'm on holiday. What a load of old bollocks.

HOWEVER.

A nice weekend with friends awaits me and this will be lovely.

New job please!

I want a new job.

Actually, scratch that, I need a new job.

My current job is just making me ill. Seriously. My Anxiety Disorder is getting out of hand and I need something which will not a) drive me insane, b) make me cry, c) give me nightmares, d) make me behave in an irrational and dangerous way.

EDITED thanks to YorksDevil pointing out my little mistake ;)

Closer...

Oooh, Nine Inch Nails, I do rather love them.

I was going to see them live with friends, but money gets in the way of such funs. I'm making do with watching videos instead: